Fetch
east coasters: i drove through 17 states on the way to work
west coasters: i have been traveling in this desert for 49 years. generations have died. children have been born. when will i make it to the promised land
Midwesterners: I haven't left a 20 mile radius in 2 years

boys like it when youre playfully mean to them. call them names. punch them on the shoulder. murder their families 

breakfastburritoe:

dropping out of school to become part of a chicken nugget cult

deanshuggybear:

fozmeadows:

In which seven cats all discover the same slightly elevated flat thing and claim it as their own while pretending the other six cats don’t exist

game of thrones

deanshuggybear:

fozmeadows:

In which seven cats all discover the same slightly elevated flat thing and claim it as their own while pretending the other six cats don’t exist

game of thrones

my life is one big “wow ok”

precumming:

*gets drivers license* 

old person: looks like im gonna have to stay off the roads!

image

horror movie opening scene
white girl: i dont like this abandoned insane asylum, zack.
white boy: come on, amanda, 10 years ago tonight, the famous blood skull killer committed his last murder right here and then vanished.
white girl: you're just trying to scare me.
white boy: lmao
they continue walking for a few seconds
*white couple hears noise*
white girl: babe what that??
white boy: i'll go investigate
*leaves her alone*
*choking noises*
white girl: zack!!!
white boy: ha ha just kidding!
white girl: asshole!
white boy: im just playin babe
white girl: that wasnt funny but ur still cute
*playful kiss*
*things turn sexy*
*hear noise*
white boy: i'll go investigate
*he leaves and then there's a silence for a long time*
*maybe a thud*
white girl: zack! this isnt funny anymore zack!
*she walks and he dead*
white girl: ahhh!!
*killer shows up with sickle or quirky weapon that distinguishes him from other horror movie villains*
white girl: ahhh!!!
*white girl runs*
*dead end*
*hides*
*thinks she free n safe*
*guy catches her*
*cuts her*
*she dead*
opening title slashes across screen: BLOOD SLICE IN 3-D

sarah-urie:

foodtrucker:

I was born at an incredibly young age

i told this to my english teacher and she almost kicked me out of the class

capaldisass:

I will defend my favorite band member faster than myself

nunown:

Somebody told me

You had a girlfriend

Who looked like a……………………..slime man